Oh wow. Wow. Dean. God, that hurts.

I'd say "Sorry," but you know I'm really not. :)

AWESOME. You may not like writing smut, but you did it GREAT.

But it is SO HARD, V.! Thank god I never have to do it again.

(Thank you.)

I adore this. Poor Dean. Even if she did let him go, it wouldn't really help.

Thank you!

Sometimes I'm not sure she even made anything worse.

That was not what I expected from a fic by Mely.

Killer title.

That was...riding at the edges of my prefs. Or comfort zone. Or something. And there were parts I skimmed past.

But for me the hardest part of this story is the thread throughout that the demon is intimate with Dean, but doesn't return that intimacy. That the sex isn't shared - it's damaging, and very one-sided damage. It's close to rape, throughout, despite Dean's very enthusiastic participation.

Brilliant concept. Just - excellent idea. Yeah. How to fuck up Dean Winchester in five easy steps.

This line: Dean Winchester lives in his skin so he doesn't have to live in his head, but right now it's his skin that's the problem, that fine body that his daddy bought him. Yes, that. That exactly.

Your handle on Dean's character is as solid as your concept of Sam, I think.

Love that you didn't forget about Cassie - it seems many fic writers do, when they talk about the people Dean loves.

Ummm. Anyway. Well done.

- hg

If I could ask, now that I've had the chance to think about it...

Why did the demon only pick women? (I have a kneejerk answer and a less kneejerk answer, but I'd be interested in your thoughts.)

And - because I know you read the incest fics - was it a deliberate choice on the part of the demon to not pick Sam?

I'm not saying I'd have even read the story, if the second option had been hinted at, but I'm wondering about author choices.

("I dunno. Never thought of that. *shrug*" is a perfectly acceptable answer to both questions.)

- hg

Wow. You weren't kidding about the Sue-ishness of the demon. Soooo well done; for SPN and for fandom.

Heya, Big Spender. Thank you!

Whoa Nelly. Fantastic smut and angst there, and that demon-voice... That was really something. And what a great idea to have the demon persecute him with sex (heh - given the choice of methods, I might well pick the same...)

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

Damn. I really want Dean to not be this broken. You totally convince me, and yet I will jump at the next chance I get to fix a slightly happier image of him in my mind. If I had to look at Dean this way all the time, I would probably have to disengage from the show, because there is no way that this Dean has the remotest hope of even temporary peace until the SPN mytharc has reached its conclusion (and not a lot of hope even then), and it would be kind of weird to be a fan of a show that you just want TO FUCKING END, ALREADY, so that characters you love don't have to be quite so miserable.

Hey, that's kind of like BSG, now that I think about it, though in that case it was characterization inconsistencies that first removed the show from my affection (though it's still on my Tivo season pass).

Anyway, the story does what it does brilliantly. Maybe if it were less brilliant it would be easier to dismiss it.

I have been trying to wait a while before responding to comments in order to suppress my usual desire to do a DVD commentary for a story that should stand on its own, but you have lured me out, damn you!

There are two responses I'd like to make, with the usual disclaimers about authorial intent not amounting to much once the story's out there:

(1) I don't think demons are any more reliable narrators or objective observers than humans are, and in fact I kind of like the idea of demons being blinded by their own kinks: they see what they can use and don't see what they can't. (In terms of the SPN mytharc, as I've sort of speculated as an aside in another story, I think they see love as a tool to break people with; I don't think they see it as something that makes people stronger. And I think it's that kind of *humanity*, rather than any supernatural McGuffin, that's going to save the Winchesters in the end.) This isn't something the story addresses at all -- I could have put in ironic bits of the demon misunderstanding Dean, and I didn't, because I was thinking of it as a pretty dark story and I do think her understanding is correct as far as it goes -- but fanfiction exists in dialogue with the source, and I think it's reasonable to analyze the story in light of information and understandings unavailable to the POV character. So that's Out #1. :D

(2) Out #2 is more metatextual, and it's that I see this story getting farther away from canon as it goes on. That is, Part 1 does pretty accurately represent *my* take on Dean's state of mind immediately post-"Crossroad Blues," when I think he's a wreck, if not as much of a wreck as he is in "Everybody Loves a Clown," but he got darker and darker throughout the story when in canon I personally see him as on an upswing post-"Hunted." It seems clear to me that what was killing him was not just guilt at his father's death but guilt, terror, and loss at the idea of having to kill Sam and just the terrible burden of having to hide something from Sam; and that once he shared it with Sam, he was on the way to healing, and the events of "Hunted" and even of "Born Under A Bad Sign" solidified his determination to save Sam rather than kill him. This is morally questionable in some ways, but psychologically I see Dean as a lot more stable now than he's been for most of the season.

The story goes kind of AU for me, in that it shows Dean breaking down past the point where I think he started building himself back up. Although it went less AU than I expected when I finally figured out what was going on in 3, because as brutal and scary as 3 is, I find it perversely hopeful that he won't break down, he won't give up, down at the end he's still Dean. That wasn't the way that part went originally; I struggled a lot trying to figure out how to make him give in before realizing that the point was that he *wouldn't*, and that the section worked much better if I tied it closer to canon, if I made it a kind of reaction to "Hunted" and "Nightshifter" and even "Houses of the Holy," all of which stick Dean in positions in which he *can't* fight.

I guess the demented optimism of that is kind of lost in (a) the demon's POV and (b) the death wish section immediately following, but it still is ... less pessimistic, at least as a standalone section, than I'd originally intended. Yay for characters knowing themselves better than I do, I guess?

Okay, that went kind of DVD commentary. Feel free to disregard, since, you know, authorial intent + $2 will buy you a small coffee at Starbuck's.

That was indeed a lot of porn (which I don't think you needed to worry about one bit because, WOW) but it was also so much more than that. Excellent story, you. And I hate when people do this, but this makes me do it anyway: oh, Dean.

Hee! Thank you! And none of it would have worked if the porn hadn't, so yeah, I was tearing out my hair. But I'm psyched people aren't reading it as just PWP, because I meant it as something else.

I have the "oh, Dean!" reaction ALL THE TIME. I just don't phrase it that way anymore.

(P.S. I put in a busty Asian beauty for you.)

Oh, WOW. That hurt like crazy. She pulls his head down and kisses him deep, just because she knows it won't help him at all. and She's the force fucking forward and he's the body giving way, and that's how it goes, over and over and every pause a silent offer to stop. God, DEAN.

Thank you so much for letting me know what you liked! I'm glad it worked for you.

I loved it. It was poetic and fluid and so, so dark. I'm always hurting for Dean, and god this hurts in such a good way because its so Dean.

Feels real. I like that in my readings. Thanks for sharing

Thank you for letting me know you liked it.

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:) Thank you for giving a het story a shot, then! I'm glad you thought it was worth it, and that it captured Dean well.

resorting to emoticons to express my WOE for Dean: ;___;

Pardon the expression, but God, this is good. Sex is the method, but the damage is to his soul, and it's absolutely riveting to see it accumulate through the various scenes. His need and his turmoil, the way he's hurt with the older blonde and doesn't even realize how, the brutal strength he uses and the brutal way he lets himself be used, and always that desperation beneath it all.

Brilliant, painful, visceral.

Thank you! I'm glad it worked for you.

Oh, wow. You just tortured Dean there, didn't you. I thought the look inside his angsty head and the way you did it was completely exquisite, though. Thank you.

You're welcome! I'm glad you liked it.

Ever going to continue this so Dean finds out? Can't imagine anything he'd hate more after all his rhetoric about spirits last episode.
Great fic, very unusual. Your main character was an evil demon and you didn't try to make us feel sorry for her.

Probably not; I don't tend to do sequels.

I'm glad you liked it, though!

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Thank you for letting me know it worked for you.

Man. WOW. That...was incredibly hot. Disturbing, twisted, and yummy. I'd give a lot for Dean to find out, but it's sooooo nice that he doesn't....

Well, he does find out in Part 4, although I guess he may not know that it's not just a one-off.

Thank you for letting me know you liked it! :)

Being inside the demon's head, and looking in as it does that to Dean...impressive. Crazy. Cruel. Utterly beautiful.

Loved it. Hard-core NC-17 that's totally and absolutely functional to the story, and an image of Dean's soul, naked.


Thank you.

Hard-core NC-17 that's totally and absolutely functional to the story,

I'm glad you thought so! That's exactly what I was going for.

Thank you for letting me know you liked it.

Oh Dean.

He's so thoroughly broken here in such a believable way.

Thank you! I'm glad you thought it was believable.

Eggshell skull beneath her fingers: she could crack it open, but there are so many better ways inside.

This is so perfect and so painful. Their interactions in Crossroad Blues were intriguingly charged, and for a demon, why wouldn't this be a logical sort of game to play? And I love that she really is the Fangirl Demon, pushing Dean's buttons to see how he'll break.

I'm glad you liked that line -- it's one of the keys to the story for me.

And I thought their "Crossroad Blues" interactions were intriguingly charged, too, obviously. :)

Holy shit. I'm...I have no words. I don't generally even GO for het and this managed to leave me breathless and in need of a serious time out. You managed to do something truly amazing here. An outside POV of pretty much nothing but random, scorchingly hot sex scenes that is somehow one of the most insightful looks at Dean that I've ever read. The hell? That shouldn't even be possible. This is just too damn good.

Thank you! I am so glad you tried it even thought it was het. :)

I have been waiting for a story like this. One that's beautifully written, compelling, angsty, psychological, hot as hell, sexy, disturbing and NOT SLASH. There are so many parts that I love that I can't even begin to quote them all, or I'd be quoting the whole story. I'm off to rec this, and to add to memories. Do you mind if I friend you? I loved your last story so much, I don't want to miss a thing.

Thank you so much! I'm glad the story worked for you, in all sorts of ways. And new readers are always welcome, although I feel I should warn you that two stories in two months is being damn prolific in my world and I don't know when or if I'll have anything else.

Wow. I just got the chance to read this -- and it came together beautifully, although beautifully is perhaps not the right word to use for a story like this. I just love the way Dean falls apart, one step after the other.

I am so glad you got something out of it. I wanted to thank you again for agreeing to beta -- I know that this is not your sort of thing, but your comments were *so* helpful, not just in fixing the problems you pointed to directly, but also in figuring out what wasn't working in the middle. So thank you!

You nailed the pacing in the finished product here. Nailed it.

The way it unravels, taking every piece of hurt and digging in, the almost tender way she finds to torture her in parts 2 and 5 vs. the violence of 3 and 4, and the combination of the two in part 1.

Well played.

Thank you! 2 gave me conniptions but I think I pummeled it into tolerable shape.

And thank you for all the help & encouragement along the way.


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